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The not so unexpected consequence of watching the first episode of Portlandia is that it made me want to move to Portland.
No, that doesn't quite convey what I mean. I've wanted to move to Portland for years. The complication that arose somewhere between Getting To Know Your Free Range Chicken and Locking Steve Buscemi In A Tea Store was that it made me want to ALREADY BE in Portland. Like, yesterday. And the day before. And on and on.
Everyone who commented on the first episode on Hulu mentioned how living in Portland is JUST LIKE THE SHOW. Needless to say I have very high expectations. How do you say that in French? Is it "attente très haute"? No really, I want to know. I'm considering getting a pretentious tattoo to mark the occasion. It's that or a Bright Eyes lyric.
Listen, don't ask me why I want to move there. I can't really tell you. And I'm not just saying that because it's classified information and I'd have to kill you. (I always err on the side of maiming anyway. Blood stains are a bitch to get out, you guys.) I honestly don't know. I've never been to Portland. I've never even driven through Oregon. I have some friends there, but knowing a place doesn't really work via osmosis through the internet yet. I just have this inexplicable tug in my gut and an empty cavity in my chest where home should be. It's right to the left of my heart. If you knock on my ribs you can hear it.
I am fully expecting Portland to fill that hole.
Talk about setting yourself up for disappointment. I am not a proponent of running away from your problems. I know that when I do finally manage to pick my sorry ass up out of my cube and drag it across the country, the main source of my problems will still be there. Namely, me. But sometimes you just need a change of scenery to put everything into perspective, you know?
I'm saying that like my problems are plentiful. They're not really. I have a pretty good life here. I have friends and hipster douchebag farmer's markets and low lit coffee houses and a decent indie record store and a vegetarian tea house. Watching the show this evening actually drove home just how much of what I'm looking forward to having out there I already have right here. A city is just a city. It's a thing. You have to put into it what you want to get out of it. After all, the Orlando I inhabit is not the one you are likely to find if you come here to visit the mouse or the boy wizard.
I expect to put so much into Portland. Right now, getting up in the morning feels like revision. I go to the same places and do the same things. Orlando is my rosary and I click through the beads deftly, without looking. All around me are the vestments of the person I used to be. And as I re-write and edit over the history of that person I can't help but keep an eye on the blank page where I'll start the new chapter. It's so important to me to get this chapter right before I move on, but I've always been enamored with possibility.
Right now I'm head over heels in love with the possibility of what I can make of Portland.
remembering sent me a post card from Portland when she visited the city a while back. On the message part of the card it simply says 'Come home, KL'. I'm working on it.
This [rare non-fiction] entry was written for Topic 11: Haute at
therealljidol. All comments and questions are welcome.
No, that doesn't quite convey what I mean. I've wanted to move to Portland for years. The complication that arose somewhere between Getting To Know Your Free Range Chicken and Locking Steve Buscemi In A Tea Store was that it made me want to ALREADY BE in Portland. Like, yesterday. And the day before. And on and on.
Everyone who commented on the first episode on Hulu mentioned how living in Portland is JUST LIKE THE SHOW. Needless to say I have very high expectations. How do you say that in French? Is it "attente très haute"? No really, I want to know. I'm considering getting a pretentious tattoo to mark the occasion. It's that or a Bright Eyes lyric.
Listen, don't ask me why I want to move there. I can't really tell you. And I'm not just saying that because it's classified information and I'd have to kill you. (I always err on the side of maiming anyway. Blood stains are a bitch to get out, you guys.) I honestly don't know. I've never been to Portland. I've never even driven through Oregon. I have some friends there, but knowing a place doesn't really work via osmosis through the internet yet. I just have this inexplicable tug in my gut and an empty cavity in my chest where home should be. It's right to the left of my heart. If you knock on my ribs you can hear it.
I am fully expecting Portland to fill that hole.
Talk about setting yourself up for disappointment. I am not a proponent of running away from your problems. I know that when I do finally manage to pick my sorry ass up out of my cube and drag it across the country, the main source of my problems will still be there. Namely, me. But sometimes you just need a change of scenery to put everything into perspective, you know?
I'm saying that like my problems are plentiful. They're not really. I have a pretty good life here. I have friends and hipster douchebag farmer's markets and low lit coffee houses and a decent indie record store and a vegetarian tea house. Watching the show this evening actually drove home just how much of what I'm looking forward to having out there I already have right here. A city is just a city. It's a thing. You have to put into it what you want to get out of it. After all, the Orlando I inhabit is not the one you are likely to find if you come here to visit the mouse or the boy wizard.
I expect to put so much into Portland. Right now, getting up in the morning feels like revision. I go to the same places and do the same things. Orlando is my rosary and I click through the beads deftly, without looking. All around me are the vestments of the person I used to be. And as I re-write and edit over the history of that person I can't help but keep an eye on the blank page where I'll start the new chapter. It's so important to me to get this chapter right before I move on, but I've always been enamored with possibility.
Right now I'm head over heels in love with the possibility of what I can make of Portland.
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This [rare non-fiction] entry was written for Topic 11: Haute at
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no subject
Date: 2011-01-28 04:17 am (UTC)My home city does give me that every once in awhile, and I do like it here--like right now? The weather we have here makes me LOVE it--but I've lived here all my freakin' life. I want to do different, and am already 48, but now is not the right time.
Nick followed his call to do different, and he is now on his way out of Kiel for the last time, heading for his new life in the UK. He is doing it. You can do it, too. I believe in you, KL! I do.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-28 08:08 pm (UTC)I think it's probably possible for any one person to be at home in lots of places. It's not always evident when a home is a home. It IS evident when a place stops being a home, though, and starts becoming an obligation. (Which isn't to say that I have to force myself to see my friends or do things I enjoy. I'm just. Pedaling backwards sometimes, I feel.)
I'm very excited for Nick, from here on the sidelines. It's interesting watching him go through the move and make his preparations.
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Date: 2011-01-28 05:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-28 08:08 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2011-01-28 07:45 am (UTC)I think that sometimes there are places that you just know you're meant to be, and there's no way to really explain how you know that.
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Date: 2011-01-28 08:10 pm (UTC)I hope your brother did enjoy his time, there.
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Date: 2011-01-28 11:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-28 08:18 pm (UTC)I will say, that both Colorado Springs and Toronto are cities where I pretty instantly felt like I'd be okay there. They don't tug at me, but I really like them, and they feel really comfortable for me.
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Date: 2011-01-28 11:48 am (UTC)My own at-home city isn't quite as attainable, but I know Matt and I will get there someday.
If you have to set your sights much lower, you could always move to Forks.
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Date: 2011-01-28 08:23 pm (UTC)I'm guessing this at-home city is somewhere in the UK? That would be pretty exciting.
Forks! Think of the Youtube star I could become by simply recording fan girls acting crazy in some small Washington town to share with the internet. Also, I could actually get residence for that University I want to go to. Heh.
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Date: 2011-01-28 11:59 am (UTC)That is the best description for you living here that I have ever heard.
I wonder, though, if the problem of home in Orlando is more the professional life that has been carved rather than all the other things. Because the main drain of Orlando seems to be the routine (and the soul-sucking job). In Portland you'll start totally fresh—and I think the atmosphere will be more encouraging of dreamers—so you won't have an established click.
(I really do think Portland will be amazing for you; I'm just musing on your comment about already having the things you want in Portland.)
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Date: 2011-01-28 08:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-28 12:27 pm (UTC)You're dreaming a little bigger, darling.
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Date: 2011-01-28 08:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-28 04:10 pm (UTC)So. This is my turn to be understanding - I GET YOU, KL, AND I LOVE YOU ALL THE MORE FOR IT. <333
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Date: 2011-01-28 08:49 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2011-01-28 08:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-29 04:15 pm (UTC)you have a way with words, lady.
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Date: 2011-01-29 04:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2011-01-29 07:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-31 02:51 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2011-01-30 02:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-31 02:52 pm (UTC)(Also, your Gabe icon amuses me entirely too much.)
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Date: 2011-01-30 02:32 am (UTC)The first time I went to Portland on a roadtrip one of my roadtripmates stayed behind in Portland when we continued.
The second time I went to Portland I lost the person I had gone there with and had to desperately find a ride back to Seattle for a Sunday morning flight.
Such is Portland!
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Date: 2011-01-31 02:54 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2011-02-01 01:59 pm (UTC)Great entry!
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Date: 2011-02-01 02:35 pm (UTC)Thank you!
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Date: 2011-02-01 04:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-01 05:44 pm (UTC)And thank you!
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Date: 2011-02-01 06:15 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2011-02-01 08:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-01 11:26 pm (UTC)Well done! Welcome to non-fiction. :D