Oregon Trail on Facebook? Who cares, we've been out here the whole time.

[momebie]

The not so unexpected consequence of watching the first episode of Portlandia is that it made me want to move to Portland.

No, that doesn't quite convey what I mean. I've wanted to move to Portland for years. The complication that arose somewhere between Getting To Know Your Free Range Chicken and Locking Steve Buscemi In A Tea Store was that it made me want to ALREADY BE in Portland. Like, yesterday. And the day before. And on and on.

Everyone who commented on the first episode on Hulu mentioned how living in Portland is JUST LIKE THE SHOW. Needless to say I have very high expectations. How do you say that in French? Is it "attente très haute"? No really, I want to know. I'm considering getting a pretentious tattoo to mark the occasion. It's that or a Bright Eyes lyric.

Listen, don't ask me why I want to move there. I can't really tell you. And I'm not just saying that because it's classified information and I'd have to kill you. (I always err on the side of maiming anyway. Blood stains are a bitch to get out, you guys.) I honestly don't know. I've never been to Portland. I've never even driven through Oregon. I have some friends there, but knowing a place doesn't really work via osmosis through the internet yet. I just have this inexplicable tug in my gut and an empty cavity in my chest where home should be. It's right to the left of my heart. If you knock on my ribs you can hear it.

I am fully expecting Portland to fill that hole.

Talk about setting yourself up for disappointment. I am not a proponent of running away from your problems. I know that when I do finally manage to pick my sorry ass up out of my cube and drag it across the country, the main source of my problems will still be there. Namely, me. But sometimes you just need a change of scenery to put everything into perspective, you know?

I'm saying that like my problems are plentiful. They're not really. I have a pretty good life here. I have friends and hipster douchebag farmer's markets and low lit coffee houses and a decent indie record store and a vegetarian tea house. Watching the show this evening actually drove home just how much of what I'm looking forward to having out there I already have right here. A city is just a city. It's a thing. You have to put into it what you want to get out of it. After all, the Orlando I inhabit is not the one you are likely to find if you come here to visit the mouse or the boy wizard.

I expect to put so much into Portland. Right now, getting up in the morning feels like revision. I go to the same places and do the same things. Orlando is my rosary and I click through the beads deftly, without looking. All around me are the vestments of the person I used to be. And as I re-write and edit over the history of that person I can't help but keep an eye on the blank page where I'll start the new chapter. It's so important to me to get this chapter right before I move on, but I've always been enamored with possibility.

Right now I'm head over heels in love with the possibility of what I can make of Portland.

remembering sent me a post card from Portland when she visited the city a while back. On the message part of the card it simply says 'Come home, KL'. I'm working on it.


This [rare non-fiction] entry was written for Topic 11: Haute at therealljidol. All comments and questions are welcome.

Comments

[paragraphs.livejournal.com]

This made me go Awwww though I have a friend who wants to leave Portland just as badly as you want to live there...she is tired of the weather. LOL. But yeah, I am not where I want to be, either. There is a 'feel' to life that I seek and which, to my shock, I felt a jolt of in Nashville of all places. NASHVILLE? But it was there, this feeling of 'I should be here.' My sister and her family are there, so that is part of it, but...I had that feeling in Cardiff too, the second time there, after I got to know the city better. It had that tug.

My home city does give me that every once in awhile, and I do like it here--like right now? The weather we have here makes me LOVE it--but I've lived here all my freakin' life. I want to do different, and am already 48, but now is not the right time.

Nick followed his call to do different, and he is now on his way out of Kiel for the last time, heading for his new life in the UK. He is doing it. You can do it, too. I believe in you, KL! I do.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

You don't know how incredibly lucky I feel to have you out there with your pom poms.

I think it's probably possible for any one person to be at home in lots of places. It's not always evident when a home is a home. It IS evident when a place stops being a home, though, and starts becoming an obligation. (Which isn't to say that I have to force myself to see my friends or do things I enjoy. I'm just. Pedaling backwards sometimes, I feel.)

I'm very excited for Nick, from here on the sidelines. It's interesting watching him go through the move and make his preparations.

[fleurdeliser.livejournal.com]

♥♥♥

[momebie.livejournal.com]

Just as long as you're still okay with me being all up in your city. ♥

[comedychick.livejournal.com]

My brother used to live in Portland. I'm pretty sure he really liked it there.

I think that sometimes there are places that you just know you're meant to be, and there's no way to really explain how you know that.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

I think so too. I've been to lots of places that felt comfortable, but none that made me want to stay forever. I'm probably not someone who's going to be comfortable with the idea of rooting forever no matter where I am, though.

I hope your brother did enjoy his time, there.

[myras-girls.livejournal.com]

I don't know. I guess I think that I can acclimate and enjoy living just about anywhere, but certain places feel like home. Colorado feels like home to me, and Fort Collins in particular. If I lived somewhere other than Colorado, I imagine I'd dream of living somewhere else. Somewhere that gave me that feeling of comfort and belonging. And it's not because all good things have happened to me in Colorado or because I've lived here so long. My years as an army brat taught me what home feels like.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

I think you probably have an advantage over those of us who are raised taking the idea of home for granted. There's just this place that's supposed to be home. (To come close to plagiarizing Garden State. Heh.) I didn't really consider Orlando to be home until my fifth year in college or so. Until then I just considered it a transition city. And it might be that, for me, everything will become a transition eventually. Maybe I'm just a person who is restless at their core.

I will say, that both Colorado Springs and Toronto are cities where I pretty instantly felt like I'd be okay there. They don't tug at me, but I really like them, and they feel really comfortable for me.

[count-to-seven.livejournal.com]

I can definitely see you in Portland. Have I ever mentioned how much I admire you for following this dream and for having a goal that you're actively working toward?

My own at-home city isn't quite as attainable, but I know Matt and I will get there someday.

If you have to set your sights much lower, you could always move to Forks.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

I feel like such a fake sometimes. Because my date is so far out, and I get so randomly terrified about leaving. But I feel like it's the right thing in the long run, you know? And if I don't like it I can always come back. Or move on from there. There's nothing saying I have to be in one place or another.

I'm guessing this at-home city is somewhere in the UK? That would be pretty exciting.

Forks! Think of the Youtube star I could become by simply recording fan girls acting crazy in some small Washington town to share with the internet. Also, I could actually get residence for that University I want to go to. Heh.

[theemdash]

Orlando is my rosary and I click through the beads deftly, without looking.

That is the best description for you living here that I have ever heard.

I wonder, though, if the problem of home in Orlando is more the professional life that has been carved rather than all the other things. Because the main drain of Orlando seems to be the routine (and the soul-sucking job). In Portland you'll start totally fresh—and I think the atmosphere will be more encouraging of dreamers—so you won't have an established click.

(I really do think Portland will be amazing for you; I'm just musing on your comment about already having the things you want in Portland.)

[momebie.livejournal.com]

Profession is a lot of it, but it's not all of it. My brain and my heart are just telling me that I need a new place. It's not a slight to Orlando at all, it's entirely possible that I'm a kind of person who will always need a new place. You know how I want to do ALL the things. It's hard to do them all from here. I've fallen into a rut experience wise, so I'm going to take myself off and experience new things. Even if, at the start, they're nothing more than Less Sunshine. That's going to be weird. ;)

[marilla82.livejournal.com]

The need to move and be and exist in a different, more creative and welcoming space is understandable. I agree with Em that Portland will be good for you. It will also help that you'll have friends there already and an idea of what you want from your life there. You have expectations and while that may set you up for some disappointment, it also sets you up for some major satisfaction.

You're dreaming a little bigger, darling.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

I mean, I can't pass up an opportunity to inflict myself on other people. Then you can all get together and laugh about how I'm no doubt exasperating all of Portland.

[brilligspoons.livejournal.com]

Substitute "Boston" for "Portland" and "Jersey" for "Orlando," and I pretty much felt/feel the same way. I love NJ, don't get me wrong - but it's not the right place for me, and it might not ever be again in this life. Boston is who I am right now.

So. This is my turn to be understanding - I GET YOU, KL, AND I LOVE YOU ALL THE MORE FOR IT. <333

[momebie.livejournal.com]

I AM VERY GLAD THAT YOU GET ME, MARGARET. I REALLY LIKE HAVING YOU THERE FOR THE GETTING. ♥

[basric.livejournal.com]

ANTICIPATION. Well done.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

Anticipation is pretty much the single most potent drug there is. For me, anyway. ;) Thank you for reading!

[canellaphile.livejournal.com]

Maybe sometimes your life calling just puts on a pretty costume it knows you'll like so you'll follow. I think that's what places are to us. I've felt that way off and on about a ton of places...european cities, santa cruz.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

That's a really good way to think about it, and not one that I'd considered. It's hard to think about meant tos and fates in any sort of concrete terms, but maybe there's just something there I have to do, and this is the universe's way of making me do it.

[glass-houses.livejournal.com]

One of my good friends moved to Portland and she probably could have written this post, only she really does have the "run away from my problems" problem. She had to move as far away from her home (Massachusetts) as she could (Oregon). Apparently she really loves it and it's really beautiful. I'd love to visit her there.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to hear she's enjoying it, and I hope you do get to visit her! I've yet to know a person who didn't go to the North West and enjoy it.

[barbed-whispers.livejournal.com]

Orlando is my rosary and I click through the beads deftly, without looking.

you have a way with words, lady.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

Which is handy, because you know what I don't have a way with? Directions to places I've never been in Cocoa. So if I end up lost and near mugged I need SOME WAY to defend myself. :p

[liret.livejournal.com]

I used to feel that way about Alaska - I couldn't see a tv show set in the state without trying to look up plane tickets and jobs. I ended up working there for a summer, which took the edge off, but I still want to go back.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

It's cool that you did get to go work there for a summer. Why Alaska? If you don't mind me asking. I just think this kind of stuff is interesting.

[tentaclecore]

Sometimes you just don't fit somewhere, and gotta go somewhere you do fit. I know the feeling well. It sucks total balls ;____;

[momebie.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I feel like I've outgrown Orlando. Like, I still want to wear it all the time, but it's all stretched out and frayed at the edges and I just need a new place. What happens will happen.

(Also, your Gabe icon amuses me entirely too much.)

[emo-snal.livejournal.com]

I've visited Portland a few times. I heart it.

The first time I went to Portland on a roadtrip one of my roadtripmates stayed behind in Portland when we continued.

The second time I went to Portland I lost the person I had gone there with and had to desperately find a ride back to Seattle for a Sunday morning flight.

Such is Portland!

[momebie.livejournal.com]

Goodness! Is Portland situated near a black hole, as well as a major fault line and volcano ring? :p It is nice to hear the people enjoy the city, though. I'm excited to visit it for my first time myself, and I've heard nothing but good things about it.

[myrna-bird.livejournal.com]

Good luck with that move. It sounds exciting. Nice entry.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

Thanks! And yes, I think it will be exciting. And only get moreso the closer I get to my little self-imposed out date.

[phoenixejc.livejournal.com]

Oh I have always wanted to visit that area of the country. My GF used to live in Washington and she swears once I see Oregon, I'll never want to come back to South Carolina.

Great entry!

[momebie.livejournal.com]

Everyone who's been out there tells me how beautiful Oregon is. And considering the way I fell in love with Colorado, I can only imagine. Florida is just so flat, you know? There's nothing to it.

Thank you!

[locknkey.livejournal.com]

Portland is a beautiful city and I would love to live there. :) Nicely written. :)

[momebie.livejournal.com]

My friend kept going on the other day about how it has the largest rose garden in the states (world?) or something. It seems like a very lovely place. I can't wait to visit for real.

And thank you!

[lawchicky.livejournal.com]

I have a friend who lives in Portland and I keep saying I'll make it out there to visit!

[momebie.livejournal.com]

Apparently it's the place to be! A friend and I went to see a special engagement sort of thing with our favorite local band before they went out on their recent tour, and they said, almost unanimously, that Portland was their favorite place to visit/play in. All indications point north west!

[imafarmgirl.livejournal.com]

I love this entry. I love the idea of each day being a revision and the image of clicking through beads. Portland is a nice city. I've been telling myself for a while now that if I put more into where I live now I'd like it better, but then I don't know part of me wants to move back home. Your restlessness really came through in this entry.

[joeymichaels.livejournal.com]

Portland is, perhaps, more of a state of mind than a city in a state. We all, after a fashion, have our Portland, you know?

Well done! Welcome to non-fiction. :D