The future terrifies me. It terrifies me because everything is going to change and I am going to have to be the one to make some of those changes and I am ultimately responsible for where I end up.
but in a lot of ways I still am and always will be a little girl, pretending to know what I want to be when I grow up.
You have no idea how much I can relate to these two sentences. When I was younger, and all my friends talked about what they wanted to do in life and where they saw themselves in five or ten years, I used to think there was something wrong with me because when I tried to imagine what my life would be like in five or ten years, I just... couldn't. I saw nothing. I see nothing. I had a friend once tell me that in x amount of years, she and her boyfriend would be married and in x amount of years after that, she would have a baby (and she is; she got married and now she's pregnant). But that level of certainty is something I have never ever had. I feel like I'm in a bit more control over my future now, but I still have no flippin' idea what my life beyond today is going to be like. And that? Is scary.
On other related things: 1) I wrote non-fiction this week because of the meta, too! 2) I do feel like I got to know more about you, which is good because we're new friends, and 3) Tattoo! I am pondering whether to get my next one for my birthday this year. I have until November to decide, but the urge to get it is strong and gets stronger when other people talk about it :D
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Date: 2011-05-13 04:40 am (UTC)but in a lot of ways I still am and always will be a little girl, pretending to know what I want to be when I grow up.
You have no idea how much I can relate to these two sentences. When I was younger, and all my friends talked about what they wanted to do in life and where they saw themselves in five or ten years, I used to think there was something wrong with me because when I tried to imagine what my life would be like in five or ten years, I just... couldn't. I saw nothing. I see nothing. I had a friend once tell me that in x amount of years, she and her boyfriend would be married and in x amount of years after that, she would have a baby (and she is; she got married and now she's pregnant). But that level of certainty is something I have never ever had. I feel like I'm in a bit more control over my future now, but I still have no flippin' idea what my life beyond today is going to be like. And that? Is scary.
On other related things: 1) I wrote non-fiction this week because of the meta, too! 2) I do feel like I got to know more about you, which is good because we're new friends, and 3) Tattoo! I am pondering whether to get my next one for my birthday this year. I have until November to decide, but the urge to get it is strong and gets stronger when other people talk about it :D