momebie: (Trigun Vash/Wolfwood couch)
momebie ([personal profile] momebie) wrote2011-01-27 11:09 pm

Oregon Trail on Facebook? Who cares, we've been out here the whole time.

The not so unexpected consequence of watching the first episode of Portlandia is that it made me want to move to Portland.

No, that doesn't quite convey what I mean. I've wanted to move to Portland for years. The complication that arose somewhere between Getting To Know Your Free Range Chicken and Locking Steve Buscemi In A Tea Store was that it made me want to ALREADY BE in Portland. Like, yesterday. And the day before. And on and on.

Everyone who commented on the first episode on Hulu mentioned how living in Portland is JUST LIKE THE SHOW. Needless to say I have very high expectations. How do you say that in French? Is it "attente très haute"? No really, I want to know. I'm considering getting a pretentious tattoo to mark the occasion. It's that or a Bright Eyes lyric.

Listen, don't ask me why I want to move there. I can't really tell you. And I'm not just saying that because it's classified information and I'd have to kill you. (I always err on the side of maiming anyway. Blood stains are a bitch to get out, you guys.) I honestly don't know. I've never been to Portland. I've never even driven through Oregon. I have some friends there, but knowing a place doesn't really work via osmosis through the internet yet. I just have this inexplicable tug in my gut and an empty cavity in my chest where home should be. It's right to the left of my heart. If you knock on my ribs you can hear it.

I am fully expecting Portland to fill that hole.

Talk about setting yourself up for disappointment. I am not a proponent of running away from your problems. I know that when I do finally manage to pick my sorry ass up out of my cube and drag it across the country, the main source of my problems will still be there. Namely, me. But sometimes you just need a change of scenery to put everything into perspective, you know?

I'm saying that like my problems are plentiful. They're not really. I have a pretty good life here. I have friends and hipster douchebag farmer's markets and low lit coffee houses and a decent indie record store and a vegetarian tea house. Watching the show this evening actually drove home just how much of what I'm looking forward to having out there I already have right here. A city is just a city. It's a thing. You have to put into it what you want to get out of it. After all, the Orlando I inhabit is not the one you are likely to find if you come here to visit the mouse or the boy wizard.

I expect to put so much into Portland. Right now, getting up in the morning feels like revision. I go to the same places and do the same things. Orlando is my rosary and I click through the beads deftly, without looking. All around me are the vestments of the person I used to be. And as I re-write and edit over the history of that person I can't help but keep an eye on the blank page where I'll start the new chapter. It's so important to me to get this chapter right before I move on, but I've always been enamored with possibility.

Right now I'm head over heels in love with the possibility of what I can make of Portland.

[livejournal.com profile] remembering sent me a post card from Portland when she visited the city a while back. On the message part of the card it simply says 'Come home, KL'. I'm working on it.


This [rare non-fiction] entry was written for Topic 11: Haute at [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol. All comments and questions are welcome.

[identity profile] paragraphs.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 04:17 am (UTC)(link)
This made me go Awwww though I have a friend who wants to leave Portland just as badly as you want to live there...she is tired of the weather. LOL. But yeah, I am not where I want to be, either. There is a 'feel' to life that I seek and which, to my shock, I felt a jolt of in Nashville of all places. NASHVILLE? But it was there, this feeling of 'I should be here.' My sister and her family are there, so that is part of it, but...I had that feeling in Cardiff too, the second time there, after I got to know the city better. It had that tug.

My home city does give me that every once in awhile, and I do like it here--like right now? The weather we have here makes me LOVE it--but I've lived here all my freakin' life. I want to do different, and am already 48, but now is not the right time.

Nick followed his call to do different, and he is now on his way out of Kiel for the last time, heading for his new life in the UK. He is doing it. You can do it, too. I believe in you, KL! I do.

[identity profile] fleurdeliser.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 05:44 am (UTC)(link)
♥♥♥

[identity profile] comedychick.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 07:45 am (UTC)(link)
My brother used to live in Portland. I'm pretty sure he really liked it there.

I think that sometimes there are places that you just know you're meant to be, and there's no way to really explain how you know that.

[identity profile] myras-girls.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 11:16 am (UTC)(link)
I don't know. I guess I think that I can acclimate and enjoy living just about anywhere, but certain places feel like home. Colorado feels like home to me, and Fort Collins in particular. If I lived somewhere other than Colorado, I imagine I'd dream of living somewhere else. Somewhere that gave me that feeling of comfort and belonging. And it's not because all good things have happened to me in Colorado or because I've lived here so long. My years as an army brat taught me what home feels like.

[identity profile] count-to-seven.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 11:48 am (UTC)(link)
I can definitely see you in Portland. Have I ever mentioned how much I admire you for following this dream and for having a goal that you're actively working toward?

My own at-home city isn't quite as attainable, but I know Matt and I will get there someday.

If you have to set your sights much lower, you could always move to Forks.
theemdash: (B20 Willy)

[personal profile] theemdash 2011-01-28 11:59 am (UTC)(link)
Orlando is my rosary and I click through the beads deftly, without looking.

That is the best description for you living here that I have ever heard.

I wonder, though, if the problem of home in Orlando is more the professional life that has been carved rather than all the other things. Because the main drain of Orlando seems to be the routine (and the soul-sucking job). In Portland you'll start totally fresh—and I think the atmosphere will be more encouraging of dreamers—so you won't have an established click.

(I really do think Portland will be amazing for you; I'm just musing on your comment about already having the things you want in Portland.)

[identity profile] marilla82.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 12:27 pm (UTC)(link)
The need to move and be and exist in a different, more creative and welcoming space is understandable. I agree with Em that Portland will be good for you. It will also help that you'll have friends there already and an idea of what you want from your life there. You have expectations and while that may set you up for some disappointment, it also sets you up for some major satisfaction.

You're dreaming a little bigger, darling.

[identity profile] brilligspoons.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 04:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Substitute "Boston" for "Portland" and "Jersey" for "Orlando," and I pretty much felt/feel the same way. I love NJ, don't get me wrong - but it's not the right place for me, and it might not ever be again in this life. Boston is who I am right now.

So. This is my turn to be understanding - I GET YOU, KL, AND I LOVE YOU ALL THE MORE FOR IT. <333

[identity profile] basric.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 04:43 pm (UTC)(link)
ANTICIPATION. Well done.

[identity profile] canellaphile.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 04:45 pm (UTC)(link)
Maybe sometimes your life calling just puts on a pretty costume it knows you'll like so you'll follow. I think that's what places are to us. I've felt that way off and on about a ton of places...european cities, santa cruz.

[identity profile] glass-houses.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 04:50 pm (UTC)(link)
One of my good friends moved to Portland and she probably could have written this post, only she really does have the "run away from my problems" problem. She had to move as far away from her home (Massachusetts) as she could (Oregon). Apparently she really loves it and it's really beautiful. I'd love to visit her there.
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[identity profile] momebie.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 08:08 pm (UTC)(link)
You don't know how incredibly lucky I feel to have you out there with your pom poms.

I think it's probably possible for any one person to be at home in lots of places. It's not always evident when a home is a home. It IS evident when a place stops being a home, though, and starts becoming an obligation. (Which isn't to say that I have to force myself to see my friends or do things I enjoy. I'm just. Pedaling backwards sometimes, I feel.)

I'm very excited for Nick, from here on the sidelines. It's interesting watching him go through the move and make his preparations.
ext_289215: (MCR Frank Hm.)

[identity profile] momebie.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 08:08 pm (UTC)(link)
Just as long as you're still okay with me being all up in your city. ♥
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[identity profile] momebie.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 08:10 pm (UTC)(link)
I think so too. I've been to lots of places that felt comfortable, but none that made me want to stay forever. I'm probably not someone who's going to be comfortable with the idea of rooting forever no matter where I am, though.

I hope your brother did enjoy his time, there.

[identity profile] fleurdeliser.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 08:14 pm (UTC)(link)
Totes. <33333333
ext_289215: (Default)

[identity profile] momebie.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 08:18 pm (UTC)(link)
I think you probably have an advantage over those of us who are raised taking the idea of home for granted. There's just this place that's supposed to be home. (To come close to plagiarizing Garden State. Heh.) I didn't really consider Orlando to be home until my fifth year in college or so. Until then I just considered it a transition city. And it might be that, for me, everything will become a transition eventually. Maybe I'm just a person who is restless at their core.

I will say, that both Colorado Springs and Toronto are cities where I pretty instantly felt like I'd be okay there. They don't tug at me, but I really like them, and they feel really comfortable for me.

[identity profile] paragraphs.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 08:20 pm (UTC)(link)
He had a mini-crash today, the realization that "okay, when I leave London Sunday, I am going to Plymouth...not back to Germany. Whoa." He goes up and down but that is understandable...he is moving forward though. I know! It is exciting to watch all this unfold (and I admit to being enormously proud of him, and super-chuffed cuz I have a definite feeling of being an important reason why he is able to do this.) It all kinda rocks.

Oh yeah, obligation. I hear you there. I haz them in spades--until my son is established in life, I can't, and won't, and would not dream of moving on from here. So am working hard to make the best of it--seeeeee you advised me a year or so ago to get involved with Nano, and I did, and now I have some awesome friends I see 2-3 times a week. It makes me like this place more, definitely. :)
ext_289215: (Torchwood Gwen Umm....)

[identity profile] momebie.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 08:23 pm (UTC)(link)
I feel like such a fake sometimes. Because my date is so far out, and I get so randomly terrified about leaving. But I feel like it's the right thing in the long run, you know? And if I don't like it I can always come back. Or move on from there. There's nothing saying I have to be in one place or another.

I'm guessing this at-home city is somewhere in the UK? That would be pretty exciting.

Forks! Think of the Youtube star I could become by simply recording fan girls acting crazy in some small Washington town to share with the internet. Also, I could actually get residence for that University I want to go to. Heh.
ext_289215: (Twilight Jasper Hmm.)

[identity profile] momebie.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 08:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Profession is a lot of it, but it's not all of it. My brain and my heart are just telling me that I need a new place. It's not a slight to Orlando at all, it's entirely possible that I'm a kind of person who will always need a new place. You know how I want to do ALL the things. It's hard to do them all from here. I've fallen into a rut experience wise, so I'm going to take myself off and experience new things. Even if, at the start, they're nothing more than Less Sunshine. That's going to be weird. ;)
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[identity profile] momebie.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 08:49 pm (UTC)(link)
I mean, I can't pass up an opportunity to inflict myself on other people. Then you can all get together and laugh about how I'm no doubt exasperating all of Portland.
ext_289215: (Dapper Lycanthropes)

[identity profile] momebie.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 08:49 pm (UTC)(link)
I AM VERY GLAD THAT YOU GET ME, MARGARET. I REALLY LIKE HAVING YOU THERE FOR THE GETTING. ♥
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[identity profile] momebie.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 08:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Anticipation is pretty much the single most potent drug there is. For me, anyway. ;) Thank you for reading!
ext_289215: (Doctor Who Eleven ties)

[identity profile] momebie.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 08:52 pm (UTC)(link)
That's a really good way to think about it, and not one that I'd considered. It's hard to think about meant tos and fates in any sort of concrete terms, but maybe there's just something there I have to do, and this is the universe's way of making me do it.
ext_289215: (FMA Hughes/Roy)

[identity profile] momebie.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 08:54 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm glad to hear she's enjoying it, and I hope you do get to visit her! I've yet to know a person who didn't go to the North West and enjoy it.

[identity profile] comedychick.livejournal.com 2011-01-28 09:42 pm (UTC)(link)
Ha, same. I've been to so many places I love that I don't think I could have a forever place.

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