In which I love Jackson Rathbone, but only some of the things he chooses to do with his face.

[momebie]

So I went to see The Last Airbender this afternoon with Em and Lisa. I'll give you all five seconds to get your 'I told you so's' out of the way.

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The thing is, HOW IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A MOVIE TO BE THAT BAD? I'm really easy when it comes to movies, guys. All they have to do is NOT PUT ME TO SLEEP. You know how Em likes to read horrible books and fic just so she can put all of the pain in her soul to good use? I DO THAT WITH MOVIES. And this movie was so bad I didn't even enjoy it sucking.

I was very purposefully not taking a big political stance on the whole thing. I'm just not the kind of person who feels right making those sorts of judgments. But it's not like they can even say 'well, there was all this controversy, but we made a really good movie', because they didn't. They didn't even make a passable movie. They made a movie that made ECLIPSE look like the best movie released this year. ECLIPSE. A TWILIGHT MOVIE. WAS A HUNDRED TIMES BETTER THAN AVATAR.

And it could have been a modestly mediocre movie, except for most of the acting was horrible. And when I say horrible I mean I could probably have done a turn better, and um...I do not act. Ever. Not since that one monologue in high school when a fellow student asked me if I was really going to kill myself.

And even if they could have scraped together some decent actors (Jackson did okay for the first fifteen minutes when he got to be kind of funny and then again when he asked Yue why her hair was white, and I still love Dev Patel, okay?) the script was the most painful thing I've ever heard in my life. It was pretty much entirely exposition. And not only was it entirely exposition, but it repeated itself over and over and over again. What's that commander Zhao? You raided the great library? And found out about the moon and ocean spirits? And are going to kill them? I'm sorry, I didn't quite get that, can you have three different people run it by me FOUR MORE TIMES.

I get that Avatar is a kid's show, but the cartoon itself is written with wit and humour and great care and intelligence. The cartoon has faith in its young viewers and it believes they will understand, because they know kids aren't dumb just because they're young. The movie did not have that same faith in its audience, and that was the very worst thing about it.

Now, there were some scenes in the movie that would have been lovely in a different movie. Mostly scenes where there was actually action and not people standing around listening to huge chunks of exposition. And the movie LOOKED good. With the exception of Momo who just looked too bright, I think, against his backgrounds. Like his saturation was turned up against the movie. He didn't seem to fit. And I've seen people bitch about how they didn't make the martial arts styles for the bending different in the movies, but I think they actually did a pretty good job of the choreography on those, and I could definitely tell that there were four distinct styles, even without the elements involved. Also, Jackson Rathbone did this eyebrow flip in one of the scenes that was very amusing. I could have just watched that for two hours and been fine. Maybe interspersed with him getting knocked over by Appa's tail and soaked by Katara's clumsy bending.

Mostly what I and the other two are curious about is whether that movie would have made any sense to someone who hadn't seen the series. Because uh...we'd all seen it and it didn't make any sense to us.

I'm leaving this unlocked in case anyone wants to tell people to come laugh at me. I'm not actually mad about spending money to see it, I'm mostly disappointed in its lack of care and faith and intelligence. They took brilliant source material and chopped it up and then didn't know how to put it back together. It's a damn shame.

I'm going to watch some of the cartoon to soothe my broken soul. Here, have Jackson with his vampire hair. I know that always makes me feel better.

Comments

[reddwarfer.livejournal.com]

This is me laughing at you. lol. Sorry it was such a suckfest. Well, not really, but...I think that I'd understand some of the justification if the movie turned out kickass. I think the massive suckage only helps our case.

[n7of9.livejournal.com]

it was that bad :(

i'm not a fan of M Night Shamalamadingdong and i know nothing of the cartoons, but i so got sucked into all the hype over this movie and i was kind of looking forward to it...i love Rathbone and Patel and want them both to be uber stars

i'll let you know what it's like from a virgin's point of view :)

[barbed-whispers.livejournal.com]

i mean, i had fun because we're all total assholes and spent the whole movie cackling about how ridiculous the whole thing was, but what? what was that? didn't what's-his-face say he wanted to make the movie because he was a big fan of the show? are sure he's even SEEN the show?

also: appa's face freaked me out. his body looked awesome, they did a really great job with it, but the face was terrifying.

[lunalovegoddess.livejournal.com]

You've summed up all of the fears I had about the movie. *sigh*
I think I'll go watch some of the cartoon now. I keep catching bits and pieces while the kids watch, and out of order.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

LAUGH IT UP, FUZZBALL.

I'm pretty sure that if I ever see M Night Whatsisface as writer on anything for the rest of my life, I'm just going to preemptively set it on fire.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

I don't really care about Night. People get all up in arms about the Sixth Sense but I've never seen it. Signs was 'meh' for me and Lady in the Water just kind of exists. I don't really view him as being ground breaking or fantastic or anything, but I figured he was passable at things. He keeps making lots of money. I suppose not.

I would love for Patel and Rathbone to become huge. Objectively I think Patel can act circles around Rathbone, but I really like Jackson. He's kind of quirky. Also, adorable.

And yeah, let me know if it makes sense. I just can't even.

[reddwarfer.livejournal.com]

I literally LOL'd at the Star Wars reference.

I think that's a fine plan.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

His face kind of reminded me of Ludo from The Labyrinth, WHICH YOU'VE NEVER SEEN. That's the thing about this movie really. I was thinking it would be like one of those generational things. Like how we all LOVE The Labyrinth and David Bowie's package and someone like you who didn't watch it as a kid just doesn't see what's so appealing about it. Like it just came to you at the wrong time. This movie doesn't have a right time. Pfah.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

WATCH THE SERIES. Watch all of it. It's wonderful.

[theemdash]

I really like Signs and I fucking LOVE LOVE LOVE Unbreakable. (If you haven't seen Unbreakable, you really should; I think you'd like it.) And I always respected how much he clearly was a fan of Hitchcock.

HOWEVER, after The Village it became clear he was only working for the plot twist and he just couldn't sustain that level of ingenuity. (The Sixth Sense is really rich with a lot of color meaning, btw, and pretty rich for deconstruction and I keep wishing he'd go back to crafting a movie like that and not... ugh. UUUUUGH. WHY DID YOU MAKE AVATAR SUCK SO MUCH?!?!?!?)

[theemdash]

I was afraid the guys in front of us were going to turn around and tell us to shut the hell up and then I realized that it was more likely that they'd ask us to speak up so they could laugh, too.

[theemdash]

Had I not been with you assholes, I think I would have walked out and into Eclipse. Because at least then I'd expect it to suck.

I seriously don't know how they made such a horrible movie from that series.

And seriously: WHY DOES EVERYONE ELSE GET TO BE ASIAN?!

PS. Zhao raided the great library. I think you totally forgot that part of the movie.

[barbed-whispers.livejournal.com]

WAIT HE DID WHAT??? were there SCROLLS in there?

[barbed-whispers.livejournal.com]

and now i never will. NIGHTMARES. NIGHTMARES FOREVER.

this movie was pretty enough that if the story had made ANY sense i could have given it a pass. ughhhhhhhhh. i just talked ashley out of seeing it though!

[barbed-whispers.livejournal.com]

haaaaaah, yeah i was a little worried about them too. i was also concerned that one of us would eventually get so fed up that we would yell "SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?" and get attacked by a bunch of angry parents.

[reddwarfer.livejournal.com]

Unbreakable is the only movie of his that I own. THE VILLAGE!!! I was in the theatre for five minutes and we were still in the opening credits and I turned to Fred and whispered the twist to him. TOOK ME FIVE MINUTES TO GUESS RIGHT! Oh, man, that was a shitty, shitty film.

[kalikahuntress.livejournal.com]

I tried warning three of my friends not to see it today; they are going to want two hours of their lives back guaranteed.

I'm sorry you had to endure that.

[lunalovegoddess.livejournal.com]

I've mostly seen earth-bending and some of Zuko's storyline. Very cool.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

LUUUUUUDOOOOOO!! Also, we need a door knocker like this.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

I'm really surprised Em didn't try to marry the movie. On account of how much she loved it.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

I think we should have walked into Eclipse anyway. Jasper is a BAMF.

OH MY GOD. THERE WERE SO MANY GREAT LINES THEY COULD HAVE RIPPED RIGHT FROM THE FUCKING CARTOON AND PEOPLE WHO HAVE LOVED THEM FOR IT, AND DID THEY? NO. I MEAN. BOOMERANG! YOU DO ALWAYS COME BACK!

I'm such an optimist though. I keep hoping things will get better. And I keep having to learn that they don't. *sigh*

Sorry. I forget lots of things. I think they maybe didn't cover it enough.

[theemdash]

I don't think I've ever facepalmed that much during any film.

I LIKE WATCHING BAD MOVIES, YOU KNOW.

[theemdash]

Scrolls? Pshaw. There was an iPod Touch.

[theemdash]

SOKKA/BOOMERANG IS MY OTP.

Seriously, the best scene of the movie was Sokka and Yue talking about how she dyed her hair.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

It's okay. It's my own fault I did. I'm just stubborn and optimistic. I keep hoping things aren't as bad as people say, and then they always are. One day I'm going to have to just suck it up and learn that. I am definitely warning everyone else away, though.