Fic post: It All Comes Down To This
Oct. 23rd, 2005 09:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
momebieTitle: It All Comes Down To This
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
katilara
Rating: PG, I think. I don't think smoking garners the 13, but it may.
Warnings: Mentions of slash. Spoiler for HBP.
Brief summary: Regulus steals the locket and centers his thoughts around his brother rather than think about what he's done.
Challenge (if you used one): #24. Sirius and Regulus - a brother's story
Word Count: 2,411
Author's Notes: I wrote this for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
sirius_loving and based it mildly on prompt #4 from royal_almost. Beta'd by my lovelies, brak4werewolves and marilla82.
*Fan art of the beautiful sort based on this fic can be found here. If you're reading this, please go let the artist know what you think of it.*
Cross-posted toregulations, remusxsirius, sirius_loving, and royal_almost. Sorry for the spam. :p
Regulus huddled in the tunnel. Rain beat against the outer edges of the cave and the wind drove in the wetness in a frozen mist turned creamy by the fog. Eyes shut tight against the weather and the future, he burrowed his hand into the pocket of his jacket and felt for the metal. Running his fingers along the linked chain like a rosary, he thought about his partner and how the boy had died for what he believed was right. What they believed was right.
Both Regulus and his partner had been swept into the fervor of the Death Eaters by their parents, and by the time they realized what was really happening it was too late to get out. Instead they had plotted to bring Voldemort down from the inside. Lingering at meetings and haunting alleyways, they learned about planned killings, ambushes, and lesser jinxes which were supposed to make people think things far less sinister were happening. It was in the alleyways that they learned of the horcruxes and their value. Their mission became to find them and destroy them, one by one.
A tear slipped down Regulus’ cheek as he thought about the cries of pain caused by drinking the potion. He hadn’t been able to drag him out, to save him, and it was something he’d live with for as long as Voldemort left him alive. No, he couldn’t be stopped by pain now; he had to get the locket out.
Leaning his head back against the wall of the cave, he opened his eyes and followed the veins of mineral reflecting the glow from his wand. One of the cracks had built up a cluster which shone brighter than all the others. It made him think of Sirius. It made him think of his brother and of the star he had let guide him since becoming a death eater. He had always looked up at both from the bottom of everything.
Regulus clutched his hand around the locket and closed his eyes again. He would go home, but first he needed rest. He was probably safer this close to the horcrux than anywhere else. Voldemort would never believe someone had actually found one, so there wouldn’t be a watch or guard visit. Through the rain and the echoes he began to hear voices, Sirius’ voice, and he knew Sirius would get him through this.
~*~
“Why are you watching me?” Sirius was sitting on the roof of Gryffindor tower smoking, his legs stretched and his arms draped over his knees. Regulus wondered if he would ever be so tall and elegant.
“M’not watching you. M’waiting for a friend. What are you doing on the bloody roof?” Sirius didn’t answer. Instead he turned his head away and blew smoke out of his mouth. Regulus watched it dissipate into the night air, jealous. He wished he was cool like Sirius, who was so infuriatingly stoic, and he wished he had the ability to come up here whenever he wanted to hide, and he wished that he too could disappear into the air.
“Isn’t it a bit far from the dungeons here?” Sirius was still looking out over the treetops of the forbidden forest and away from Regulus. His voice only half carried to where Regulus was. Sirius’ arm tensed and he flicked the ash from his cigarette compulsively. He sat perfectly still the way he always did when he was nervous, and Regulus got the sense that Sirius was jealous of him. He knew then that they were both waiting for Remus. Regulus felt tricked by them both, even though he was certain that Sirius hadn’t known. He was hurt.
“I think I’ll be alright. My webbed feet make it through divination fine enough. But thanks for the concern.” Regulus moved closer to where Sirius was sitting. Sirius tried to move away but Regulus covered the distance quickly, as if he had had much practice climbing over rooftops. He sat down next to Sirius and mimicked his posture.
Regulus studied Sirius and wondered how they could have the same family features and look nothing alike. Regulus’ eyes were farther apart and his nose was closer to his mouth. Even the thick, dark hair that his mother had been so proud of on Sirius was disheveled on his head, the locks hanging every which way no matter what he did to them.
The light of the cigarette caught Regulus’ attention and he watched it blink in and out with Sirius’ breathing. The moon was new and the only light came from the tip of that cigarette and the stars hanging over them. Out of habit Regulus looked up to find Sirius in the sky.
Sirius looked over at him. “M’not there. M’here you wanker. And I’m waiting for someone important. What do you want?”
“I’m waiting for someone important too,” Regulus whispered. “I’m waiting for a friend, a friend who said he’d be here by now.”
“Does the ponce know he’s late?” Sirius played with the muggle lighter, teasing the palm of his left hand with the flame. He winced suddenly, having gotten closer than he anticipated. Regulus took the hand away from him and lit his wand, checking it over. At first Sirius flinched at the touch, but then settled into it and let Regulus do what needed to be done.
“I’m almost certain he does now. Does your ponce know he’s late?”
“What makes you so certain it’s a bloke? Maybe I was waiting for a girl. Maybe we were going to have a go.”
Regulus let go of Sirius’ hand, now healed and pale as ever. He caught a laugh in his throat and choked on it. Sirius didn’t offer to help. “You’re not waiting for a bloody girl.” Regulus swallowed. “You’re waiting for Remus. He’s the only person you’ve ever waited for in your life, and we both know it.”
Sirius closed his eyes and lay back onto the roof. He left one arm at his side and used the other to hold his cigarette close to his head for easy access. “Waited for you that one time. Maybe more.”
Regulus thought about the time he and Sirius had caught their first beatings as children. Regulus had been playing with some of the muggle kids on the street until long after curfew. Sirius was curled up under the apple tree in the side yard waiting for him in the dark when Regulus finally returned. One look at Sirius’ face when he woke him and Regulus knew that they were both in big trouble. But the freedom was so fun and the house was so boring.
That night had had opposite effects on the brothers. Sirius took his beating without a sound, the anger that would burst at sixteen beginning to build inside of him. He longed for the freedom of the tree and street, of the houses of others and of any place away from the gaze of their father. Regulus had whimpered the entire time, making his much worse by rousing his father’s anger. Regulus cried that the night while Sirius held his head, and vowed he that he would never disobey their parents again.
Just like their looks, their ideas at that moment marked them as two separate entities who would never meet eye to eye. They loved each other, sure, but they didn’t get along in the halls or elsewhere. Ideas were too important to Sirius, action too important to Regulus. The only thing they had in common was the love each had for Remus, who was a beautiful friend for Regulus, but never anything more. Remus’ love was for Sirius alone.
“Hey, can I have one of those?” Regulus leaned over Sirius and watched his eyes open, the grey almost blending into the roof and the dark around them. Regulus thought about what would happen if Sirius’ irises dissolved like the smoke. Sirius just shrugged and reached into the pack in his pocket producing another stick. He lit it with the tip of his own and passed it off to Regulus who sat over him and inhaled a cigarette for the first time.
Regulus choked and coughed violently. He leaned over, resting his head on Sirius’ stomach, which was bouncing with the laughter.
“Idiot, didn’t know you’d never done a fag before.” Regulus shrugged off his words and sat up again, putting the cigarette back to his lips. “I’ve never done a lot of things before. Like say, run away from home.”
“I didn’t run away from home. I ran away from Grimmauld Place. If you want to get technical I ran away from your home, but it wasn’t mine. Home is where people love you for who you are. My home is here.”
Regulus looked off for a moment, out over the grounds of Hogwarts, as far as the dark would let him see. “You’re right,” he muttered, not even caring if Sirius heard him. “You’re home is here, right here. I love you. And you don’t even care.”
There was a long silence then. The lights of the dueling cigarette tips glowed on and off, punctuating each breath as a word left unsaid. There was a rustling, and an owl landed on the spire above them and sang into the darkness.
“I do care you know,” said Sirius, over the noise from the bird. “I always have, but we’re in different camps you and me. Something is about to happen and I don’t believe we’ll be on the same side. I can’t protect you if you don’t come with me, but you’ve always favored duty over freedom anyway. I’d like to protect you. I do love you.” The light on Sirius’ cigarette went out as he snubbed it into the roof and flicked it out over the edge onto the lawns.
Regulus turned his own cigarette over in his fingers. He was getting used to the feel of the smoke in his throat and the smell in his nostrils. It was sort of comforting in its unpleasantness. “Funny how the light always dims just before you need to snub it.”
“It all comes down to this little brother; light and dark can’t exist together. Light always dims before it’s squelched.” He rolled over onto his side and looked up into Regulus’ face. Regulus felt Sirius’ eyes whisper over every part of him. “Don’t be that light, please.” Sirius’ voice trembled and Regulus leaned over and pulled him into his arms.
“Whatever happens to me, know that I did what was right, ok?” Sirius nodded.
The window they had used to climb out onto the roof creaked as it was opened and Remus stepped through. He watched the two of them until they broke apart and Regulus stood to go. He walked past Remus without acknowledging him and wondered how much longer he’d have him as a friend.
When Regulus reached the window he turned and looked at his brother, still folded over on the roof. “I love you,” he said.
~*~
“I love you!” Regulus gasped and rolled over against the cold damp floor of the cave. It had been too long. The sun would be up soon and he had to get home. He collected himself and placed the locket back into the pocket of the jacket so he wouldn’t lose it. He stood up against the wall and apparated home.
When Regulus collapsed on the steps of number twelve, Grimmauld Place he emptied his mind. To bring the thought of Sirius into the house that had banished him was to defy his mother and father. And hadn’t they cared for Regulus all his life? Besides, his father would have pulled it out of his mind through legilimency. It was going to be hard enough to hide the true nature of the locket with out his father knowing what it was.
A shot of light was born at the doorway and crept down the porch boards to rise over his back and spill onto his knees.
“Regulus dear,” his mother’s voice startled him, and reminded him to keep his mind locked. No one would know about the locket. “Regulus, why are you cowering on the steps? And why are you wearing that disgusting muggle jacket? Leave it in the street. I won’t have that filth in the house.” She stayed at the doorway to make sure her command was obeyed.
Regulus hoisted himself off the step, in a motion that was much heartier than he felt, and removed the jacket. He slipped his hand into the pocket and pulled out the necklace before throwing the jacket with all of his anger and strength to the opposite side of the lane.
“I brought you something, mother.” He turned to her and held out the locket. Eyes bright, she plucked it from his hand and turned it over, running it through her gaze.
“It’s heavy, and large, but the crest on it is perfectly wrought. It was a nice thought, dear. I’ll put it in the case with the precious heirlooms.”
Regulus smiled. Mission accomplished, he thought. No one would ever find the locket and the piece of soul inside. It would stay safe within Grimmauld Place until he found a way to destroy it.
“Come in now, dear. You’ll catch a chill in your shirt sleeves. I can’t have my only son dying so young.”
As he stepped into her embrace, his smile strained. His face tightened into a mask of affection and love. Mrs. Black hugged Regulus as if for two people, and he hugged her back in the same way, both of them missing someone significant. There was no trace of Sirius in number twelve, Grimmauld Place and there never would be again. Regulus’ brother was dead to the Black family in a way that Regulus felt would save him.
Later that evening, Regulus leaned out his window and lit a cigarette, letting the light break into the dark whenever he breathed in. He blew the smoke into the sky and looked at the stars. Even if Sirius never spoke to him again, Regulus would know that he was loved. He also knew that deep down, Sirius knew the same.
Regulus flicked the butt into the lawn below and took one last look at his brother’s star before shutting the curtains against the night. Light and dark could not exist together. It all came down to this.
Author:
katilaraRating: PG, I think. I don't think smoking garners the 13, but it may.
Warnings: Mentions of slash. Spoiler for HBP.
Brief summary: Regulus steals the locket and centers his thoughts around his brother rather than think about what he's done.
Challenge (if you used one): #24. Sirius and Regulus - a brother's story
Word Count: 2,411
Author's Notes: I wrote this for
sirius_loving and based it mildly on prompt #4 from royal_almost. Beta'd by my lovelies, brak4werewolves and marilla82.*Fan art of the beautiful sort based on this fic can be found here. If you're reading this, please go let the artist know what you think of it.*
Cross-posted to
regulations, remusxsirius, sirius_loving, and royal_almost. Sorry for the spam. :p Regulus huddled in the tunnel. Rain beat against the outer edges of the cave and the wind drove in the wetness in a frozen mist turned creamy by the fog. Eyes shut tight against the weather and the future, he burrowed his hand into the pocket of his jacket and felt for the metal. Running his fingers along the linked chain like a rosary, he thought about his partner and how the boy had died for what he believed was right. What they believed was right.
Both Regulus and his partner had been swept into the fervor of the Death Eaters by their parents, and by the time they realized what was really happening it was too late to get out. Instead they had plotted to bring Voldemort down from the inside. Lingering at meetings and haunting alleyways, they learned about planned killings, ambushes, and lesser jinxes which were supposed to make people think things far less sinister were happening. It was in the alleyways that they learned of the horcruxes and their value. Their mission became to find them and destroy them, one by one.
A tear slipped down Regulus’ cheek as he thought about the cries of pain caused by drinking the potion. He hadn’t been able to drag him out, to save him, and it was something he’d live with for as long as Voldemort left him alive. No, he couldn’t be stopped by pain now; he had to get the locket out.
Leaning his head back against the wall of the cave, he opened his eyes and followed the veins of mineral reflecting the glow from his wand. One of the cracks had built up a cluster which shone brighter than all the others. It made him think of Sirius. It made him think of his brother and of the star he had let guide him since becoming a death eater. He had always looked up at both from the bottom of everything.
Regulus clutched his hand around the locket and closed his eyes again. He would go home, but first he needed rest. He was probably safer this close to the horcrux than anywhere else. Voldemort would never believe someone had actually found one, so there wouldn’t be a watch or guard visit. Through the rain and the echoes he began to hear voices, Sirius’ voice, and he knew Sirius would get him through this.
“Why are you watching me?” Sirius was sitting on the roof of Gryffindor tower smoking, his legs stretched and his arms draped over his knees. Regulus wondered if he would ever be so tall and elegant.
“M’not watching you. M’waiting for a friend. What are you doing on the bloody roof?” Sirius didn’t answer. Instead he turned his head away and blew smoke out of his mouth. Regulus watched it dissipate into the night air, jealous. He wished he was cool like Sirius, who was so infuriatingly stoic, and he wished he had the ability to come up here whenever he wanted to hide, and he wished that he too could disappear into the air.
“Isn’t it a bit far from the dungeons here?” Sirius was still looking out over the treetops of the forbidden forest and away from Regulus. His voice only half carried to where Regulus was. Sirius’ arm tensed and he flicked the ash from his cigarette compulsively. He sat perfectly still the way he always did when he was nervous, and Regulus got the sense that Sirius was jealous of him. He knew then that they were both waiting for Remus. Regulus felt tricked by them both, even though he was certain that Sirius hadn’t known. He was hurt.
“I think I’ll be alright. My webbed feet make it through divination fine enough. But thanks for the concern.” Regulus moved closer to where Sirius was sitting. Sirius tried to move away but Regulus covered the distance quickly, as if he had had much practice climbing over rooftops. He sat down next to Sirius and mimicked his posture.
Regulus studied Sirius and wondered how they could have the same family features and look nothing alike. Regulus’ eyes were farther apart and his nose was closer to his mouth. Even the thick, dark hair that his mother had been so proud of on Sirius was disheveled on his head, the locks hanging every which way no matter what he did to them.
The light of the cigarette caught Regulus’ attention and he watched it blink in and out with Sirius’ breathing. The moon was new and the only light came from the tip of that cigarette and the stars hanging over them. Out of habit Regulus looked up to find Sirius in the sky.
Sirius looked over at him. “M’not there. M’here you wanker. And I’m waiting for someone important. What do you want?”
“I’m waiting for someone important too,” Regulus whispered. “I’m waiting for a friend, a friend who said he’d be here by now.”
“Does the ponce know he’s late?” Sirius played with the muggle lighter, teasing the palm of his left hand with the flame. He winced suddenly, having gotten closer than he anticipated. Regulus took the hand away from him and lit his wand, checking it over. At first Sirius flinched at the touch, but then settled into it and let Regulus do what needed to be done.
“I’m almost certain he does now. Does your ponce know he’s late?”
“What makes you so certain it’s a bloke? Maybe I was waiting for a girl. Maybe we were going to have a go.”
Regulus let go of Sirius’ hand, now healed and pale as ever. He caught a laugh in his throat and choked on it. Sirius didn’t offer to help. “You’re not waiting for a bloody girl.” Regulus swallowed. “You’re waiting for Remus. He’s the only person you’ve ever waited for in your life, and we both know it.”
Sirius closed his eyes and lay back onto the roof. He left one arm at his side and used the other to hold his cigarette close to his head for easy access. “Waited for you that one time. Maybe more.”
Regulus thought about the time he and Sirius had caught their first beatings as children. Regulus had been playing with some of the muggle kids on the street until long after curfew. Sirius was curled up under the apple tree in the side yard waiting for him in the dark when Regulus finally returned. One look at Sirius’ face when he woke him and Regulus knew that they were both in big trouble. But the freedom was so fun and the house was so boring.
That night had had opposite effects on the brothers. Sirius took his beating without a sound, the anger that would burst at sixteen beginning to build inside of him. He longed for the freedom of the tree and street, of the houses of others and of any place away from the gaze of their father. Regulus had whimpered the entire time, making his much worse by rousing his father’s anger. Regulus cried that the night while Sirius held his head, and vowed he that he would never disobey their parents again.
Just like their looks, their ideas at that moment marked them as two separate entities who would never meet eye to eye. They loved each other, sure, but they didn’t get along in the halls or elsewhere. Ideas were too important to Sirius, action too important to Regulus. The only thing they had in common was the love each had for Remus, who was a beautiful friend for Regulus, but never anything more. Remus’ love was for Sirius alone.
“Hey, can I have one of those?” Regulus leaned over Sirius and watched his eyes open, the grey almost blending into the roof and the dark around them. Regulus thought about what would happen if Sirius’ irises dissolved like the smoke. Sirius just shrugged and reached into the pack in his pocket producing another stick. He lit it with the tip of his own and passed it off to Regulus who sat over him and inhaled a cigarette for the first time.
Regulus choked and coughed violently. He leaned over, resting his head on Sirius’ stomach, which was bouncing with the laughter.
“Idiot, didn’t know you’d never done a fag before.” Regulus shrugged off his words and sat up again, putting the cigarette back to his lips. “I’ve never done a lot of things before. Like say, run away from home.”
“I didn’t run away from home. I ran away from Grimmauld Place. If you want to get technical I ran away from your home, but it wasn’t mine. Home is where people love you for who you are. My home is here.”
Regulus looked off for a moment, out over the grounds of Hogwarts, as far as the dark would let him see. “You’re right,” he muttered, not even caring if Sirius heard him. “You’re home is here, right here. I love you. And you don’t even care.”
There was a long silence then. The lights of the dueling cigarette tips glowed on and off, punctuating each breath as a word left unsaid. There was a rustling, and an owl landed on the spire above them and sang into the darkness.
“I do care you know,” said Sirius, over the noise from the bird. “I always have, but we’re in different camps you and me. Something is about to happen and I don’t believe we’ll be on the same side. I can’t protect you if you don’t come with me, but you’ve always favored duty over freedom anyway. I’d like to protect you. I do love you.” The light on Sirius’ cigarette went out as he snubbed it into the roof and flicked it out over the edge onto the lawns.
Regulus turned his own cigarette over in his fingers. He was getting used to the feel of the smoke in his throat and the smell in his nostrils. It was sort of comforting in its unpleasantness. “Funny how the light always dims just before you need to snub it.”
“It all comes down to this little brother; light and dark can’t exist together. Light always dims before it’s squelched.” He rolled over onto his side and looked up into Regulus’ face. Regulus felt Sirius’ eyes whisper over every part of him. “Don’t be that light, please.” Sirius’ voice trembled and Regulus leaned over and pulled him into his arms.
“Whatever happens to me, know that I did what was right, ok?” Sirius nodded.
The window they had used to climb out onto the roof creaked as it was opened and Remus stepped through. He watched the two of them until they broke apart and Regulus stood to go. He walked past Remus without acknowledging him and wondered how much longer he’d have him as a friend.
When Regulus reached the window he turned and looked at his brother, still folded over on the roof. “I love you,” he said.
“I love you!” Regulus gasped and rolled over against the cold damp floor of the cave. It had been too long. The sun would be up soon and he had to get home. He collected himself and placed the locket back into the pocket of the jacket so he wouldn’t lose it. He stood up against the wall and apparated home.
When Regulus collapsed on the steps of number twelve, Grimmauld Place he emptied his mind. To bring the thought of Sirius into the house that had banished him was to defy his mother and father. And hadn’t they cared for Regulus all his life? Besides, his father would have pulled it out of his mind through legilimency. It was going to be hard enough to hide the true nature of the locket with out his father knowing what it was.
A shot of light was born at the doorway and crept down the porch boards to rise over his back and spill onto his knees.
“Regulus dear,” his mother’s voice startled him, and reminded him to keep his mind locked. No one would know about the locket. “Regulus, why are you cowering on the steps? And why are you wearing that disgusting muggle jacket? Leave it in the street. I won’t have that filth in the house.” She stayed at the doorway to make sure her command was obeyed.
Regulus hoisted himself off the step, in a motion that was much heartier than he felt, and removed the jacket. He slipped his hand into the pocket and pulled out the necklace before throwing the jacket with all of his anger and strength to the opposite side of the lane.
“I brought you something, mother.” He turned to her and held out the locket. Eyes bright, she plucked it from his hand and turned it over, running it through her gaze.
“It’s heavy, and large, but the crest on it is perfectly wrought. It was a nice thought, dear. I’ll put it in the case with the precious heirlooms.”
Regulus smiled. Mission accomplished, he thought. No one would ever find the locket and the piece of soul inside. It would stay safe within Grimmauld Place until he found a way to destroy it.
“Come in now, dear. You’ll catch a chill in your shirt sleeves. I can’t have my only son dying so young.”
As he stepped into her embrace, his smile strained. His face tightened into a mask of affection and love. Mrs. Black hugged Regulus as if for two people, and he hugged her back in the same way, both of them missing someone significant. There was no trace of Sirius in number twelve, Grimmauld Place and there never would be again. Regulus’ brother was dead to the Black family in a way that Regulus felt would save him.
Later that evening, Regulus leaned out his window and lit a cigarette, letting the light break into the dark whenever he breathed in. He blew the smoke into the sky and looked at the stars. Even if Sirius never spoke to him again, Regulus would know that he was loved. He also knew that deep down, Sirius knew the same.
Regulus flicked the butt into the lawn below and took one last look at his brother’s star before shutting the curtains against the night. Light and dark could not exist together. It all came down to this.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-10-23 02:42 pm (UTC)(Oh, and I liked the bit about Regulus's webbed feet, too. The wonders of inbreeding...)
no subject
Date: 2005-10-24 01:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-23 02:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-24 01:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-23 06:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-24 01:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-30 11:21 pm (UTC)They're brothers--at one point, at LEAST, they loved each other. I can't imagine what it was like for Regulus to see Sirius leave.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-04 06:30 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading!
no subject
Date: 2005-11-14 07:01 am (UTC)WHEEE! (http://www.livejournal.com/users/fanart_fairy/10103.html)
*flits away*
no subject
Date: 2005-11-14 02:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-15 03:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-15 02:50 am (UTC)I loved it.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-15 03:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-15 04:48 am (UTC)I really do love the tragedy of their brotherly bond. You execute it beautifully. :)