momebie: (Architects Amelia)
[personal profile] momebie
So, the Writer's Digest poetry blog, Poetic Asides, does Poem-A-Day challenges in April and November. I did not get very far in April and never caught back up, but I'm doing a good job so far with November. Six for six! I'd been planning on just churning out poems for Sorry About the Robots based on the prompts, but for the last several prompts I've been moved in other directions. My new plan is to write poems about robots when I can, and when I can't, to write queer fairy tale poems. Because if there's one thing this world needs more of, it's that. Clearly.

(Queer as in 'odd' and also queer as in 'gay'. I'm a regular in both boxes!)

Well, I like tonight's, so I'm reposting it here. I DO WHAT I WANT. Right now I want to write a hundred more like it, but we'll see how that goes.

Soon after giving up their child
the young parents moved to Niagra,
so that they could spend their lives
assessing other people’s faults.
And eating salads without feeling guilty.

Rapunzel knows this because sometimes
when the old woman who adopted her is drunk
on wine and years, she says things
that she’ll later regret. And also because,
the tower has wifi.

But maybe it’s for the best, that
in a world where even the roses are fickle,
she gets to keep the golden moments
she made up in her mind, and not have to
cast out any of the bad ones that naturally
build up when you spend to much time with people.

It’s not like it used to be, even the witch
agrees. Rapunzel’s had three boyfriends
and two girlfriends, and has never had to deal
with morning breath, or shaving, or sharing
the last slice of pizza. She owns a vibrator.

Life is good. Life is longing anyway,
if the one thousand and five movies viewed
with her Netflix account is any indication.
Just last week she learned she had a sister:
who’s on a swim team, who listens to Taylor Swift,
who also loves Sailor Moon. Who keeps her hair short.

Rapunzel knows it’s a betrayal, but
she can’t keep herself from befriending the girl
and talking to her on twitter. She types the words
I’m your sister and deletes them again over
and over. It’s a betrayal, but the thrumming,
warm box under her fingers is so inviting.

The night Damon Salvatore is locked in
purgatory, is the night she hits send. It’s
a moment of weakness she’ll pay for, but
there’s nothing that can be done now.
She needs to share with someone
who will understand, and even from her tower,
the sunsets are beautiful.

And then her sister comes and saves her and they drive down Route 66 visiting all the tourist traps and telling each other stories. LIFE GOALS, TBH.

The one from last night was also fairy tale influenced, but weirder and darker. Someone on the Poetic Asides blog commented to say they like it when poets 'have thoughts that are different.' I uh, I don't know what means, since I'm pretty sure we've been making up fairy tales since before cave art. I guess they're probably just noting the difference between emotional poetry and poetry with a fictional narrative, but those two things overlap for me so it feels weird and redundant to have it pointed out. Reminds me of the LJ Idol debates over biographical journal type entries versus fictional narrative entries.

I still maintain that you learn more about me from my fiction than you do from my life, but what that means in the light of this one I don't know.

Date: 2014-11-07 08:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seratonation.livejournal.com
I really really liked this poem! ive been enjoying them when i catch them across my dash (i think i missed yesterdays though so im gonna go read it now) but im going to go reblog that one because rapunzel with wifi and her parents eating salad \o/

Date: 2014-11-07 04:21 pm (UTC)
ext_289215: (Default)
From: [identity profile] momebie.livejournal.com
Yay! I'm glad you're liking them, and tickled when you reblog them. Thanks for that. <3

Date: 2014-11-07 01:47 pm (UTC)
theemdash: (HP Arthur)
From: [personal profile] theemdash
I'M SO GLAD YOU FINALLY POSTED THESE SOMEWHERE I CAN COMMENT ON THEM.

I'm totally loving this one. I love that you introduce Rapunzel and then immediately twist it by throwing in wifi. I love that you put in wifi at all! And I love that the crux of her dilemma isn't that she needs to be rescued but that she needs to reach out and make a real connection with a specific person.

Also, you have a typo in this line: build up when you spend to much time with people.

Oh, and the "weirder and darker" one I liked a lot, but the end wasn't as concrete as I tend to like (but that's entirely my subjective thing). Also, also I thought it was interesting that she used the teeth to saw the wood, but didn't really use the other things she collected to get her something else. I wonder if it would work better if each verse continually built in that manner.

Date: 2014-11-07 04:29 pm (UTC)
ext_289215: (Bleach Hiyori Bring It)
From: [identity profile] momebie.livejournal.com
YOU DON'T WANT TO COMMENT ON THEM ON TUMBLR? YOU DON'T WANT TO REBLOG THEM AND LEAVE AWKWARD NOTES? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. IT'S LIKE TUMBLR IS TERRIBLE FOR DISCUSSION OR SOMETHING.

Man, you should have seen the typos that are STILL in the one on the Poetic Asides blog, because I can't edit comments there. >.> But thank you, I'll go change that. And can you tell I totally resent having grown up being told that little girls need to be rescued? I appreciate when people switch the genders around in those tropes, but that still leaves a character without agency. MORE AGENCY. MORE WATCHING VAMPIRE DIARIES. MORE ROAD TRIPS. These are my charges. :p

(Also, it's possible that now I'm just writing poems of the stories I wish I could read, since I'm too lazy to write them as stories for real.)

The darker one would absolutely work better if all of the pieces had a more concrete purposes. In my head they were sort of working to build her up into this creature, but I didn't make that very clear. That one needs the heck edited out of it and I'm definitely going to work on that when I do. The end might not be more concrete, because I'm me, but that will probably be less bothersome when the middle is less flash and more substance.

THANKS FOR READING MY STUPID POEMS. I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU DO.
Edited Date: 2014-11-07 04:30 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-11-07 06:13 pm (UTC)
theemdash: (Daniel Intention)
From: [personal profile] theemdash
TUMBLR. ARGH.

I think your darker poem would work better if in the end we see her as the monster or her reflections as the monster, something to tie it up a little better. I don't think it has to be concrete (that's just me), but it does feel somewhat unfinished. It's like you left us just before the finish line.

YOUR POEMS AREN'T STUPID, YO.

If I'm around and you want a quick typo check before posting, just let me know. I'm online most evenings (which is when I think you've been posting these).

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